If you’ve read my previous blogs you’ll know that at the end of 2023 I reflected on my year and set intentions for 2024. I also chose a word for my year, but i’ve realised that that word was wrong. It’s not what I need.

8 signs your are burnt out or heading there…

1. You feel lonely and isolated

2. You feel disconnected

3. You are exhausted all the time but can’t seem to switch off

When I reflect on times in my life when my body weight has gone up a lot, it’s always been a time when I’ve been struggling emotionally.

In this photo in my 20s, I was in a very unhappy relationship (although I didn’t realise it at the time). And no, I’ve no idea what I’m doing in the picture either.

I’m taking imperfect action starting my podcast… and it’s REALLY really hard so here’s the pep talk I’m giving myself….

Improving my relationship with food, exercise and my body & getting to a place of peace & contentment definitely didn’t happen on it’s own and it certainly didn’t happen over night.

Is it time to focus on self respect, instead of self love?

11 Jan

Written By beth mason

There’s ALOT of things written online from the body positive movement about how women need to love their bodies, but for most of the women I work with, this is a step too far. Years of yo yo dieting, diet culture and societal pressures, expectations and ‘norms’ have got women hating their bodies and feeling powerless to change.

The idea of ‘loving’ ones’ body (including all the saggy, flabby, non perfect, ineffective and stripey bits) just feels too far away. It feels too uncomfortable and too hard to visualise and imagine. This is sad because we know that change works far better from a place of loving kindness and gentleness, than a place of punishment, self loathing, shame and embarrassment.

So, here’s what I’m suggesting instead…

I REALLY struggled with this this week because of social media. Oh, the irony.

Further to my previous blog post about compassionate goal setting, here’s another way for you to have a look at your previous year and allow that to help you set a direction and goals for the coming year.

This is in 3 parts …. you’re going to review 2023, decide on a theme and general direction for 2024 and then breaking the direction down into goals and step.

Grab a pen, your journal and a brew. Enjoy it and remember it’s not a test and you can leave (and maybe come back to) any you get stuck on. Need a hand? Give me a shout x

I remember when I used to secretly hate this time of year.

The socialising, chocolates everywhere, the meals out.

I felt powerless to resist the abundant food, and felt out of control.

My social anxiety was crippling & eating helped to numb the feelings.

Each day, I’d wake up, thinking that I’d start my diet now instead of on January 1, but instead I’d mindlessly demolish a chocolate orange before lunch, and then have at least a bottle of wine that evening because I felt so disgusted in myself and couldn’t cope with the feelings.

Things my daughter won’t hear me saying in the next few weeks…

*Diet starts in January

*I’m being naughty/bad eating this

*I look/ feel fat

*I’ll work out tomorrow/today to burn this off/earn this

It can be so easy at this time of year to set huge lofty goals for next year, without actually spending any time reflecting on how this year has gone.

If you have perfectionist or ‘black and white’ thinking tendencies it can be all too easy to focus on what you haven’t done instead of thinking about all the things that you have done. If this is you, I’d encourage you to reflect a little more to help you move forwards. Let me give you some examples from my own life…

I get it - you’ve so much on.

My goodness we all have.

Nativity, Christmas shopping, ordering the turkey, booking train tickets, making sure your mum is ok, sorting the secret Santa, the running club social, doing the presents for your family as well as his, being at the Christmas show, getting Christmas jumpers, donations for the raffle & the food bank, finishing off work projects, rugby practice, going to the Christmas fair, booking time off work, organising plans for NYE, thinking about the Jacobs join, working out when to get the tree up, checking you’ve got some crackers…

And that’s ON TOP OF all the other 500 million things that it takes to run a home, have a family, maintain a relationship, have friendships, some kind of a social life. and succeed at work.

SO WHY DO YOU STOP DOING THE THINGS THAT WOULD HELP YOU COPE?

Here are 11 things I did…

1. I told my husband but no one else my intentions. I like a little private project that I can nail. Challenges excite me 💪🏽

2. I said no to a lot of things & stayed at home under a blanket & drank hot drinks.

3. I knew looking after my mental health was more important than letting people down. I tried to remove guilt from how I felt.

Last weekend I was off to meet some friends. I had ratcheted around trying to find a mascara as I rather wanted to look nice, and was disappointed I couldn't find one, but still felt nice- cue a car selfie before I got out and became all windswept and bedraggled.

I’m obviously twenty years older, but I am so much more comfortable in my own skin. I wonder when this happened? And I wonder how?

Some people who choose to take a ‘small steps’ approach to lifestyle change give up too soon, not having given it a real chance, and I’ve been thinking about why. This is actually one of the reasons why I request that when clients sign up to work with me they commit to a 6 month period. Because within that period we have time to practice imperfect action and turning up and down the dial. It’s also likely we’ll have periods of high ‘motivation’ and times when there’s zilch all motivation and have to rely on building habits. I’ve thought it through ;)

Some people give up when they don’t see a change, and generally we need to have a conversation about their expectations in terms of changes in body composition and fat loss. What they often fail to take into account is the difference in how they feel, and the difference in how their day to day life feels.

Meditation is the stress management tool I wish I’d known about years ago. When I began to learn to slow down, my progress hugely sped up.

The introduction of a pause in your day is so powerful. It lets you think about how you are feeling and why you are feeling like that.

A common problem amongst the women I work with is that they way they speak to themselves is shockingly awful. They hate themselves and think that if they hate themselves a little more, punishing themselves with exercise and a 1200 calorie diet they will succeed this time. The problem with this is that if you’re punishing yourself with exercise then you’re never going to want to move your body out of choice, so your relationship with exercise with exercise will be shocking. And it will be impossible to stick to a 1200 calorie diet for a long time without overeating- so you trust and confidence in yourself will suffer. You might find that such a severe defect is maintainable for a few days but by Wednesday or Thursday your hunger is uncontrollable, you’re ratty and all your ‘resolve’ has gone. So you overeat. By a lot. So your deficit for the week has disappeared. By Sunday you’re so fed up with yourself that you promise yourself this coming week will be different, because you’ll try a bit harder and be a bit more strict and do a bit more exercise to burn any excess calories off. Sounds a pretty dire cycle to be stuck in, and feels like Groundhog Day every Sunday night.

Each year I see the inspirational quotes online about the leaves and the trees at this time of year teaching us how to let go, and I get it.

But this year I seem to be really getting it.

I can feel some major shifts happening in me. And I like it, it feels good.

I had such an interesting chat with a 1-1 client today about her wanting fat loss, but feeling guilty or shamed by this as she felt that it goes against feminism. Such an important discussion, and one that occupies A LOT of my mind being a feminist in the wellness space.

I’m working with Cumbria County Council & NHS England to help women that need and would benefit from the positive impact of exercise. You can help by purchasing a class for £8 that can be offered to someone who would benefit.