Why some people give up when they don’t see results quick enough
Some people who choose to take a ‘small steps’ approach to lifestyle change give up too soon, not having given it a real chance, and I’ve been thinking about why. This is actually one of the reasons why I request that when clients sign up to work with me they commit to a 6 month period. Because within that period we have time to practice imperfect action and turning up and down the dial. It’s also likely we’ll have periods of high ‘motivation’ and times when there’s zilch all motivation and have to rely on building habits. I’ve thought it through ;)
Some people give up when they don’t see a change, and generally we need to have a conversation about their expectations in terms of changes in body composition and fat loss.. What they often fail to take into account is the difference in how they feel, and the difference in how their day to day feels. For example, their mood is better, they are thinking clearer, they have more energy or they’re sleeping better. The are some of the huge benefits of prioritising your health and are often difficult to quantify. So, these people give up too early as they are being one dimensional in terms of what they want out of looking after themselves more - and maybe aren’t at a point yet that they can make the appropriate effort required to shift the energy balance. For some clients I work with, getting to a fat loss point takes time. First we need to work on building habits like getting out for a walk everyday, or eating 3 meals a day. Learning to prioritise yourself takes time for busy women, so often we need to build up to the actions needed for fat loss.
This can also be the case when I’,m working with individuals who are looking to change their relationship with their body or with exercise or with food. It’s often the case that we need to do a little bit of ground work first, before we move into a fat loss phase.
Moving from a place of instant to delayed gratification can be very hard for women who I work for. It can take time, and some women are too impatient to see the changes through. You have to be patient, and it’s helpful to see patience as a skill you can practice daily. Patience, regular exercise, emotional regulation, stress management, healthy habits- they’re all skills to practice daily and to adopt a growth mindset towards.
During a conversation with a 1-1 client this week she told me how thinking about the ‘Future Her’ (the her in 5/10 years time) was just too far away from her to possibily visualise, especially given the transformation (becoming a mum) she was currently going through. Instead, she told me how it was helpful for her to work on the small, imcremental, imperfect habits we had agreed upon with the understanding that these would provide her with feedback today to feel better. For example, exercising today would make her feel better today,& would her her sleep better tonight . Likewise heathful food habits would provide her with more energy today, and help her to feel more aligned with her goals now because she’ll feel lighter, brighter and more energetic today.
The small steps you are taking, the imperfect action you are taking, is going to make you feel better today- as long as you chose to notice those improvements in how you feel. Taking the time to notice, being self aware, requires you take the time to pause in your day. You might not be taking this time to notice these daily benefits, so you might be gving up too soon.
Another reason people give up too soon is that they struggle to navigate the curve balls and obstacles that life is inevitably throwing them, and they aren’t seeing these are an opportunity to practice their new healthful habits. You have to be able to get curious and start noticing patterns in your behaviours, approached from a place on non-judgement. This last bit (the non- judgement bit) can feel so hard that people give up. They’re so used to hating themselves that they aren’t willing to used proven techniques that improve self compassion. They don’t accept that they are human and are fundamentally flawed like the rest of us, and aren’t willing to try to change their relationship with themselves to one of fierce self compassion, instead of fierce self loathing. If you give up at the first sign of injury/illness/challenge, you are quite literally never going to get anywhere with sustainable fat loss as these are usual and normal situations that you have to learn to navigate.
Looking for a helping hand so you don’t give up this time? Drop a message about my 1-1 Coaching for support and accountability.