Trying to hate yourself into change? It’s time to give something more effective a go
A common problem amongst the women I work with is that they way they speak to themselves is shockingly awful. They hate themselves and think that if they hate themselves a little more, punishing themselves with exercise and a 1200 calorie diet they will succeed this time. The problem with this is that if you’re punishing yourself with exercise then you’re never going to want to move your body out of choice, so your relationship with exercise with exercise will be shocking. And it will be impossible to stick to a 1200 calorie diet for a long time without overeating- so you trust and confidence in yourself will suffer. You might find that such a severe defect is maintainable for a few days but by Wednesday or Thursday your hunger is uncontrollable, you’re ratty and all your ‘resolve’ has gone. So you overeat. By a lot. So your deficit for the week has disappeared. By Sunday you’re so fed up with yourself that you promise yourself this coming week will be different, because you’ll try a bit harder and be a bit more strict and do a bit more exercise to burn any excess calories off. Sounds a pretty dire cycle to be stuck in, and feels like Groundhog Day every Sunday night.
How about trying to hate your self and your body a little less. You can’t hate yourself into positive change, so learning to like yourself (or at least tolerate yourself) a little more could create a huge shift for you. Here are some of the things you could do to help with this…
Concentrate on what your body can do, instead of what it can’t do.
When you begin an exercise routine, it can be easy to focus on all the things that you aren’t able to do yet. You might have a long-term goal of running a 5K or deadlifting your body weight but you’re struggling to run 5 minutes or lift half that at the moment. Instead of focusing on the things you have yet to accomplish, focus on all that your body can do. Taking just a few moments to think about all that your body can accomplish can help you shift your mindset from negativity to appreciation. Your positive thoughts don’t just have to be about what your body accomplished during your workout. Think about how you were able to get down on the ground to play with your kids, or how you were able to hug your partner.
When you take the time to appreciate your body, you’ll likely find it easier to continue the behaviours that provide your body with the respect it deserves. When you find yourself focusing on a negative thought about your body, take a moment to pause and counter it with somethings that you appreciate about yourself, no matter how small.
2. Think “what can I add?” instead ion “what can I remove?”
When you’re working to establish new habits, you might get stuck in the trap of thinking about things you want to give up, like pizza or chocolate. Instead of focusing on the things you want to eliminate from your diet, think about what you’d like to add.
This can mean getting excited for the new breakfast recipe you’re trying, or looking forward to enjoying a wholesome meal together with your family. When you think about all the great things you’re including in your life, it can be easier to stick to the plan.
This idea doesn’t just apply to food. It can also be helpful to think about the opportunities for connection–both with your own body and with others–that exercise can offer. Instead of focusing on how you won’t get to lie in in a morning, think about how amazing you’ll feel after you’ve been to the gym and set yourself up for the day.
3. Become aware of your self talk
Metacognition–thinking about your thinking–is key when it comes to learning to like yourself while you’re working on positive change. Over the course of the next few days, pay attention to the way you talk to yourself when you think about your body and your efforts to improve your health.
If you wouldn’t talk to a friend or your child the way you talk to yourself, it’s time to take some steps toward change. When you speak negatively about yourself in your mind, you make it more likely that you’ll engage in behaviours that aren’t respectful or loving to your body.
Speak to yourself like you care about yourself. Fake it until you make it if necessary. Changing the background noise in your head can be a big step in motivating yourself to move forward with behaviours that make you feel good.
4. Focus on how you feel
There’s nothing wrong with using tangible methods to track your progress as you embark on a journey of health. The scale, a measuring tape, or progress photos can all provide you with data that can help you move forward with your health.
That being said, it’s easy to get so caught up in the numbers that you forget to notice the other positive things that are happening as you work on your health. Learn to pay attention to how you feel as well. Keeping track of your mood and energy levels can help you see that the changes you’re making are paying off.
Journaling can be a fantastic way to get into the habit of checking in with the way that your mindset and energy levels are changing as you put in the hard work required to get healthy. Cool bonus: you’ll be able to track patterns when you look back at your journal, learning more about the foods and workouts that give you the energy you want.
5. Discover food and movement you love
As mentioned, getting healthy isn’t just about eating less of the foods that don’t make you feel your best–it’s also about focusing on finding the foods and types of movement that make you feel fab. Trying a new vegetable or recipe each week can feel fun if you let it, so can trying a new exercise class or way to move your body.
Stay open to the idea that you may not have found your favourite food or activity yet–this can help you keep a growth mindset for something that might be a great addition to your new lifestyle.
Ready to take the next step? I’ve got you. I understand what it’s like to develop healthy habits and know what support you’ll need to help you feel better. Contact me for individual support to help you reach your goals.