Is it time to focus on self respect, instead of self love?

There’s ALOT of things written online from the body positive movement about how women need to love their bodies, but for most of the women I work with, this is a step too far. Years of yo yo dieting, diet culture and societal pressures, expectations and ‘norms’ have got women hating their bodies and feeling powerless to change.

The idea of ‘loving’ ones’ body (including all the saggy, flabby, non perfect, ineffective and stripey bits) just feels too far away. It feels too uncomfortable and too hard to visualise and imagine. This is sad because we know that change works far better from a place of loving kindness and gentleness, than a place of punishment, self loathing, shame and embarrassment.

So, here’s what I’m suggesting instead. I’m suggesting that you just need to do the next respectful thing for your body. The next thing that you can do to take care of it… even if you don’t necessarily want to or feel like taking care of your body.

To treat your body with self respect is am act of rebellion in a world that wants us to punish and control our bodies. For many of us, we might have spent years trying to control our bodies with crash dieting or macro counting. Or making ourselves running when we really hate it as a way to ‘earn our food’ or ‘burn it off’. We might have drunk only shakes, weighed in publicly, or enrolled for an 8 week shred, all in the name of forcing our one precious body to look a particular way.

So, here’s what you could try instead. Chosing the next thing that would demonstrate some respect. Because no matter how you feel about your body or how you body looks, it is worthy of looking after. If you read this first thing in a morning, that could be having a protein rich. wholesome breakfast instead of the ususal toast and butter you’ve slipped into having over the Christmas break. What we put into our body is a sign of how we feel about it, and when we are feeling better about ourselves we do tend to eat more nutritionally dense foods. But feeling better about our bodies doesn’t just happen and it won’t automatically happen when you lose the half a stone/ stone/ 3 stones you’d like to lose. So you have to start somewhere, and you have to have to take actions towards how you want to feel.

Another way you could show self respect is to move your body with intentional exercise. This is something that so often gets left out by women who are busy with lots of commitments. Making time in your week for some exercise - walking, pilates, lifting weights- is a way to demonstrate that your needs are important and your body is important - no matter how it looks.

Self respect doesn’t mean figuring out ways to lose as much weight as possible. It’s about focusing on you, on your own needs and wants and prioritising them – with your own best interests in mind. It’s about acknowledging that your own needs do matter, and you can look after them without a detriment to your family and friends and other relationships.

Self respect is about acknowledging that you do have a part to play in how you’re feeling. It’s about taking control of the bit’s that you can change, whilst being compassionate with yourself about the things you can’t change. And remember, self compassion isn’t about letting yourself off the hook. It’s about having high personal standards and sometimes making you do things that you don’t really want to do. Fierce self compassion is your progress ally.

Self respect isn’t a way of dieting, it’s a way of living. It can often be a way of saying ‘no’ to things that don’t align with who you are or who you are becoming. Because you need to start acting like her- even if you don’t feel like her.

Self respect is a way for you to bridge that gap between the current you and the future you. Taking intentional action daily with respecting yourself in mind could be a powerful tool for your health and fitness journey, and it could be the piece of the ouxxle you’ve been missing. External habits start with internal changes and you need to get the psychological changes happening to make the habits start and stick. If this is something you’d like to explore more, I’d love to chat with you. I have helped nearly 300 women improve their relationship with themselves and their body. Get in touch. I currently have one 1-1 Coaching space available for a January start.