I’m taking imperfect action starting my podcast… and it’s REALLY really hard so here’s the pep talk I’m giving myself

I talk a lot about learning to take forward action (imperfect action) even if it’s hard and even if it’s not perfect… and at the moment I’m doing that with my recording my podcasts. They are killing me! Well, not actually- but honestly I am finding it so hard to turn up for myself knowing i’m not great at it (yet), and it’s really making me think about how hard it is to get started with exercise or other healthful habits when you’re put off by being set scared you’ll be pants at them.

I’m proud of my work, and I love what I do, so making myself vulnerable by allowing myself to be a beginner at something to do with my work is proving hard mentally. Like, I SO WANT to be good at it. But it’s hard and I’m scared of getting it wrong and looking (and sounding) like an idiot.

I’m procrastinating around it. I’m overthinking it. I’m getting worried about it.

So I wanted to tell you the stuff I’m telling myself about it to reframe it because I KNOW it is something I want to do to provide a better service to my Coaching clients. I want the outcome, but the process is hard. And this is a very similar challenge to the one that a lot of my coaching clients face when their scared of getting things wromng/ not doing enough/ not being enough when it comes to their health and fitness.

First off in this little peptalk to myself… I remind myself I can do hard things. God, I really can. Like in life and in work. And in working less so I have more life! so, starting a piddly podcast is fine. I mean, it really is, yes?

Next- being vulnerable is a strength. I’m a big Brene Brown fan, and this has come up in the 18 months of therapy I’ve had. But here we have it in action. Hopefully clients (and potential clients) won’t judge me for being a bit crap at it as it’s such early days. Hopefully they’ll see I’m practicing imperfect action, treating it as a skill that will improve with practice and taking action even though it’s hard. Hopefully they’ll see me doing what I so often ask them to do.

I’m being self compassionate. Which I find really really easy when it comes to other areas of my life, but it turns out I find it harder professionally. Because work means so much to me. I used to call it my 3rd child. I’m not quite that into it now, after 18 months of stepping back and changing my identity surrounding my work. I found some old photos recently (see previous blog) and I was having a look at them today, and really thinking about what I’d tell younger versions of working myself (see picture-aged 23 in Folkestone at the Leas Cliff Hall). One of the most difficult things about being self employed is not getting feedback on your work. For example, I can’t even bear to listen to the podcasts back yet. So that’s clearly what I need to do. Argh yes it’s definitely what I need to do! Cringeville here we come.

I’m also thinking about what the worst thing that could happen would be. So, I could really suck at it (yep, probably there at the moment)… but I’d tell Kitty or a friend to keep practicing, to keep going, to not be put off…. so that’s what I need to do. I do to model the things I tell her to do. I want to embody it so that she sees me facing challenges and not being put off. Because she’ll learn more by my actions and behaviours than anything I tell her to do. Perhaps it’ll be be shit and people will mock me behind my back, but really- those people are of no concern to me. The only people I’ll take feedback from is people who are in the arena with me, doing hard things (more Brene for you there).

Another thing I’m asking myself is’ whats the alternative?’ Stay where I am, wanting to help people more, but not actually having the balls to do it, or pulling my big girl pants on and getting it done? There’s been a million things I couldn’t do when I started… long multiplication, meditation, write a decent shopping list and deadlift 1.5 times my body weight are just a few of them. This is another thing I’m telling myself.

Finally, and overarchingly, I’m reminding myself of my values. I’ve recently spent time revisiting my values and realised that they’d changed quite drastically. Now I’m focusing on trust and innovation, amongst others, and this includes trusting myself. I find this deep, purposeful connection gets me in the gut and gets me showing up for myself.

These reframes are powerful and very helpful but they don’t stop it being scary. I can even feel my shoulder ride up as I’m writing this. Breathe, Beth, breathe.

So, I’m also reminding myself about courage and only having one life. Literally we only have one life. So, this makes me think screw it. Make the screw ups, but be sure to learn from each screw up. So this next bit is about failing forwards. Learning and reflecting on my mistakes. For example, the one I recorded today was pretty pants (ep 5 if you’re interested. Edited- now deleted due to my heart being in my my mouth all afternoon and I’m going to rerecord tomorrow ) but i’ll learn from than and not do one in a similar format again. That’s all we can do isn’t it, if we’re brave, not give up? Lean into the challenge and the uncomfortable nature of something that’s hard and embrace the learning that comes from our mistakes.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk, and if you do give my podcast a listen after i’ve sold it to you so well… I appreciate it hugely. Every listen means the world. And stick with it, I know i’ll get better- because that’s what happens when you persevere.