How I improved my relationship with food, and freed up my brain to think about things that really matter to me

How I improved my relationship with food, and freed up my brain to think about things that really matter to me

This blog explores what it means to have a good relationship with food and offers tips to get you started on your journey based on evidence and my own experience.

To begin with, let’s remember that a a good relationship with food involves having unconditional permission to eat the foods that make you feel good physically and mentally. No foods are off-limits, and you feel no guilt upon eating foods that are typically labeled “good” or “bad.”

Having a good relationship with food isn’t something you can achieve overnight. Rather, it’s something that you’ll likely have to work on your entire life — just as you’d work on a relationship with your partner, friend, or any other meaningful person in your life.

A good relationship with food has absolutely nothing to do with the quality of your diet or the types of food you eat, but rather how and why you choose the foods you eat. It’s about your intention.

When you improve your relationship with food, you’ll notice a lot less stress and worry around eating and more food freedom.

What is a ‘poor relationship with food’?

Before you can work toward a good relationship with food, we need to have a think about what a poor or bad  relationship with food looks and feels like.

Here are some signs that you might want to reflect on your relationship with food…

• You feel guilty about eating.

• You avoid or restrict foods that are “bad” for you.

• You have developed a long list of rules surrounding the foods you can and cannot eat.

• You rely on calorie counters or apps to tell you when you’re done eating for the day.

• You ignore your body’s natural hunger cues.

• You have a history of yo yo dieting or following  diet fads.

• You feel immense stress and anxiety when eating in social settings due to fear of what others may think of your food choices.

• You find yourself restricting and/or binging food.

You don’t have to experience all of these signs to have a poor relationship with food. If you feel any guilt, shame, fear or worry around food- that’s a tell tale sign.

A bad relationship with food usually involves restricting or overeating foods, regular dieting, and feeling shame or guilt upon eating certain foods.

It’s important to note that your relationship with food might be transient too, Sometimes you may eat with complete freedom and have no remorse for the foods you eat (this is great), but other times you may feel guilty after eating certain foods (this is not great, but totally normal).

What does ‘a good relationship with food’ look and feel like?

The goal of a good relationship with food is to have more positive experiences with food than negative ones. Showing patience and kindness toward yourself is paramount. This is where self compassion comes in.

A good relationship with food is like any other relationship — it takes time, practice, and a lot of patience.

It’s important to understand that your relationship with food goes deeper than fueling your body. Unlike animals that eat solely for survival, humans eat for a variety of reasons, such as joy, pleasure, culture, tradition, socialisation, and to fuel their bodies.

Signs you have a good relationship with food include:

• You give yourself unconditional permission to eat the foods you enjoy.

• You listen and respect your body’s natural hunger cues.

• You eat when you’re hungry and stop when you’re full.

• You don’t obsess over the number on the scale.

• You don’t let the opinions of others dictate which foods you eat.

• You don’t feel the need to justify your food choices.

• You understand that you’re not defined by the foods you eat.

• You enjoy all food in moderation.

• You choose foods that make you feel your best.

• Calories aren’t the focus of your food choices.

If you’re reading this and thinking, “I’ll never get to this point,” you’re not alone. Many people struggle with the idea of ditching the diet mentality and pushing away years of the diet culture messages they’ve been getting since being young.

So, instead of focusing on doing everything at once, look at one thing at a time. You’ll find some tips below that will help.

A good relationship with food involves welcoming all foods in moderation, eating foods that you enjoy, not allowing food to control your life, and knowing that the foods you eat do not define your value as a person.

Changing your relationship with food

It’s one thing to hope for change — and it’s another to actively try to make change happen.

Your journey is totally personal to you, given your own history.

That said, below are some helpful tips and tools that I personally found helpful…

1. Give yourself unconditional permission to eat

This feels scary but is the key.

One sign of a good and healthy relationship with food is allowing yourself unconditional permission to eat.

When you create rules around when you can and can’t eat, you’re setting yourself up for hunger, feelings of deprivation, and fear of food.

Whether you overeat at lunch or have a few extra cookies for dessert, you still deserve to eat when you’re hungry or want to. Your body deserves food no matter the day or situation.

2. Eat when you’re hungry

Every person is born with the natural ability to regulate their hunger. You can see this with children, who can easily tell when they’re hungry or full. Although, as people age, they begin to lose this ability for a number of reasons.

Despite your parents’ best efforts, how often did they tell you to clean your plate? While their intentions were good, this told you as a child to ignore signs that you were full and eat until other stimuli (e.g., a clean plate) told you that you were done.

Along with this, diet culture has taught people to rely on an arbitrary number of calories to tell them when they’re done eating for the day instead of eating until they’re satisfied.

Still, the closer you can get back to listening to your natural hunger cues, the better you can regulate your appetite and manage your food intake

In the backdrop here is making sure you are eating in a healthful, satisfying way- which can take time and practice to get right.

3. Practice mindful eating

This involves eating in the moment and being fully present for the food you’re eating.

This means being free of distractions,  phone, the TV, a book, etc. Rather, you take time to make gentle observations, such as the taste and texture of the food, how your hunger and fullness cues change, and your enjoyment of the food.

Learning to slow down and savour the food you’re eating can help you learn which foods you genuinely enjoy and also become more in tune with your body’s natural hunger and fullness regulation.

Make sure you sit down, chew your food and put your fork down between mouthfuls.

Reflect on your reason for eating… Are you eating because you’re starving and will eat anything in sight? Do you want to eat the food because you think it’ll make you feel better emotionally or physically?

4. Welcome all foods in your diet

Labelling a food as “bad” gives it unnecessary power.Of course, certain foods are more nutritious than others and contribute to improved health. But, eating a single food isn’t going to miraculously affect your health in any way either.

When you label a food as “bad,” you automatically put it on a pedestal. Usually, people call foods “bad” when they taste good, are very moreish and aren’t very nutritionally dense. Yet, as soon as you tell yourself you can’t have something, the more you’ll crave and want it.

When you allow all foods into your diet, you’re better able to control your intake, as you know these foods are always available. However, when you restrict foods and believe they’re a rarity and off limits you’re much more likely to overdo it and enter a cycle of guilt.

Contrary to popular belief, it’s quite rare that you’ll always want cookies or cake. When you allow all foods into your diet, you’ll notice that your cravings for certain foods start to diminish.

This phenomenon is called habituation. It states the greater exposure you have to a food or flavour, the less interesting and appealing it becomes.

So start viewing all foods as equal, with no food being better or worse than another. When you stop viewing foods as “good” or “bad,” you remove the food’s power.

Over time, you won’t feel the need to over eat it as it’s always there.

5. Stop justifying your food choices to yourself or anyone else

Most people are constantly giving themselves or other people an explanation for their food choices.

For example, “I’m eating ice cream because I had a bad day” or “I have to have a salad for dinner because I didn’t have time to exercise.”

Instead of giving a reason for your food choices, allow yourself to eat food that you feel is best for you at that very moment.

Conclusion

Your relationship with food is personal, unique, and requires regular work to keep it healthy. Though it may seem impossible to fix your bad relationship with food, it’s possible to get to a state in which food no longer controls you and instead fuels your overall wellbeing.

As you navigate your relationship with food, remember that food isn’t inherently good or bad. It’s the labels you put on it that give it power.

A healthy, good relationship with food means welcoming all foods with no restrictions, seeing the value in food beyond calories, and remembering that your value as a human isn’t dictated by the food you eat.

Taking the first step to fixing a bad relationship with food is scary and difficult but well worth it in the long run.

Email me if you think I can help: Beth@movemehappy.me