How I’ve been being a beginner again alot recently, how I got my head around it, and how you can too…
Today I went snowboarding at the local Dry Ski Slope for the first time in over 10 years and I’m not afraid to share that I was absolutely bricking it and did not want to go. This is despite the fact that I’ve snowboarded before, want our family to enjoy the shared interest of snowboarding and really want us to enjoy a family snow holiday together.
So, I wanted the outcome, but I was scared the go today because a) what if i’d forgotten everything (I had), b) what if I was no good (I am basically a beginner again) c) I don’t want to be a beginner again (oh hello ego and pride!) and d) what if I look stupid.
I found myself in a little grump mid morning and I couldn't quite work out why. And then I realised it was because I was comparing my current self to my previous self, and didn’t want to learn again. Kev noticed my grump too. And my delaying tactics. And then I checked in with myself to try and work out how I was actually feeling. The result? Insecure, anxious and scared. Worried I’d make a tit of myself. Frustrated I can’t do something anymore. Scared I wasn’t ‘enough’. I told myself it was because I was worried about my knee, but actually I just didn’t want to be crap at something!
I quickly realised that there are the very feelings that so many of the women I work experience before we start working together, and made a reluctant but huge reframe that this would be an opportunity for me to put myself in their shoes.
As I laced up my boots I put on a brave face for Kitty, but inside I was dying. I told Kitty honestly that I was feeling nervous. That I was scared of injuring myself. But that I wanted to try anyway- because if I didn’t try, I’d never know. reminded myself that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being scared to try something new. And I told myself that if I wanted the outcome I was going to have to do the work. I reminded myself that it’s absolutely ok to be a beginner at something, whatever your age. And actually it takes even more courage when you’re not 21 anymore. I was really going for this, can you tell!
I can tell you’re desperate to know how it went and the reality was that I actually really enjoyed it. Most of the time I pretty much don’t care what other people think of me (I had to really channel this as the ski slope is a busy and popular place), and I managed to say present in just having fun with Kev and Kitty and concentrate on what I was supposed to be doing. It was great! I’m glad I started and I’m actually looking forward to going back next week.
My key take aways from starting snowboarding - it won’t be as bad as you think & who cares what other people think. Plus something about never being too old to try something new. I appreciate that at 45 I’m not old, but it is all relative and what goes on in our heads is out of our control in a lot of ways,
The other thing I’ve been really bad at recently is my podcast because no-one in the world is good at them when they start… but I’ve persevered and, without blowing my trumpet too much here, I’ve got better at them as time has gone on. I’m definitely more confident and more comfortable and have found my flow… and the biggest deal? I’m enjoying them.
To start this I concentrated on imperfect action. I knew that if I wanted to get better I had to start- because I was never going to get better without intentional effort- and for me that looked like just showing up. Like eating more protein or carving time out to exercise regularly, podcasting is a skill that I will get better at with time. And if I don’t practice it, there’s not a cat in hells chance I’ll get better.
Being ok with not being perfect is important here. Not having ridiculously high standards for yourself and being ok with just being a human being. And recognising that you have to put the reps in in life, just like in the gym, to get better at anything. I think my gym training helps with this. It helps me zoom out and take this resilient, overarching approach to life. As long I’m moving in the right general direction I’m happy- it’s the direction my life is moving in and not the speed that I’m concerned with. Plus I trust the process and have faith that I’m actually a pretty capable and competent human being that does get better at things when I practice them. That and the fact that everyone who has every started a podcast and putting themselves how there like this and started somewhere.
Finally- the other thing I’ve been doing recently is running again. I started in January with a 10 minute run, built up and this week I ran 24 minutes all in one go! I’m actually super proud of myself here. Being patient has been key with this. Not going too far too quickly and being ok with doing a 14, 16,18 minute run as I’ve built up 2 minutes over each week. This has taken so much patience it’s untrue! To be ok with a 10 minute run, to see that as worthwhile and meaningful took a lot of zooming out and reminding myself about the small steps involved in anything big.
Last year, after I tore the muscle in my knee, I had a couple of false starts with getting running again. I pushed it too far too quickly and ended up back at square one. Incredibly frustrating. But this year I’m determined to be smarter than that. I should (and do!) know better! In the last 6 months I’ve been building up the muscle around my knee carefully, eating right and concentrating on recovery (all necessary to get stronger!). And now I’m at the point where I’m nearly squatting body weight, and training feels great. I knew it was time to add running into the mix again and I’m dreaming (visualising!) trail running with my friend Danny in June.
So, with the running, I have had to be okay with going slow. I have had to not rush and be sensible. And these are pretty new skills for me, only developed really in the last 10 years and more significantly in the last 2 years since burnout. Breathwork and meditation has really helped me learn to be more patient in life generally. I’ve been practicing delayed gratification- knowing that if I’m patient now, the results I want will come in time. Also recognising that there’s a space between a stimuli and. a response or a reaction has helped me with this. This kind of inner work started with daily journalling and learning to ask myself how I really felt. I got curious about how I felt and what I really needed. It has really helped slow me down. People say, ‘I could never do that’, ‘I can’t mediate’, ‘I can’t do slow yoga’… well, that’s what I thought but I’d never really tried. If you want to change, something has to change- it’s that simple.
I hope these thoughts are helpful for you if you’re being a beginner with something at the moment. I think it’s so impressive when anyone comes to me for 1-1 coaching, because change and growth is scary! But to commit to moving your life forwards and making positive change shows such courage and commitment to personal growth. I’m so here for this and it’s the biggest priviliege ever to be part of someone journey to be who they want to be and help them change their health and fitness identity.
The kind of growth I support women with isn’t super sexy, it’s long term and it can feel deep, hard work. But when we get breakthroughs, we get enourmous ones and we get big changes. Changes that last. My next blog is going to be about my own personal coaching journey - so keep an eye out for that. In the meantime, I hope you feel inspired and motivated to worry a little less about being a beginner and just bloody do it. You’re so much more capable than you think and I promise you won’t regret it.